The problem is that I like food that tastes good and I dislike food that does not. To me, that means lots of fatty fatness and loads of fat. Beef, pork, chicken, turkey, cheeses of all kinds, potatoes, rice, beans, breads, pasta and soda, soda soda: these were my foods of choice. And they still are. I used to be a skinny, happy little kid back when my metabolism still worked...
See?
But the problem began when I just bludgeoned my body with crap. Tons of crap. Every Sunday, throughout middle school, I had the same two meals. For lunch, I had a 3 piece original recipe, all leg, meal from KFC with mashed potatoes and a biscuit. For dinner, I would eat the better part of a greasy pepperoni and extra cheese pizza from a local place called Bernardio's. I loved Sundays. They were delicious. And it wasn't like I was eating salads the rest of the week. I loved, loved, loved the little square pizzas you would get in school. Everyday, I bought one. Rarely did I branch out. That continued in college where, even though I had a dining hall plan, I mostly ate at the diner (The Pala-Den, see our mascots were Paladins and...nevermind) in the student center. I ate Chick-Fil-A also, a lot. So much so that I cannot eat it anymore now. I also no longer eat at KFC (much if at all) or McDonalds (every Friday my best friend's parents would take us there).
Not really a healthy bone in my body, food-wise. And it isn't like I worked out. The only exercise I got was in gym class. Now here is a dark, little secret I don't reveal too often. There was a period in high school where I was thin and handsome again...
During this period, I received the most positive attention from girls I have ever received. What was my secret? Barfing...and lots of it. Technically, I was not barfing to be thin. In fact, I thought I was fatter than ever (this is called body dismorphia and, yep, it happens to guys, too). I was barfing because I had started dating and was always super nervous around women. Just thinking about my girlfriend made me so jittery, I couldn't eat. Of course, this taught me a valuable (if crappy) lesson...women like thin guys. The best personality in the world will not do a heck of a lot for you if you aren't good looking somehow. So, I learned how shallow people are and that stuck with me in some negative ways.
As I got older, via a series of psychological hang ups and quirks to numerous and grotesque to analyze here, I almost dared people to like me. By my Freshman year at college, the old weight was back with a vengeance and women no longer made me nervous. I got fatter and sadder in a weird cycle where I was unhappy because I ate and I ate because I was unhappy.
Fast forward to about 2007, a failed engagement and financial ruin leads me to move back in with my parents. My weight is getting dangerously close to 300 lbs. and my depression has got me on the edge of disaster. If this isn't my cliffhanger ending, I don't know what is...come back later for more.
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