The Attempted Solution

When last we spoke, I was getting very large. Things were looking as bad as they had ever been.



I know you can't see me that well but that is intentional. I liked to hide from cameras like the Sasquatch at this point just a few scant years ago. So, after I got my head on straight, I decided it was time to lose some weight.

I began doing the Couch to 5k program. Having never run in my life, I began really enjoying this. I can honestly say it is a nice, gradual program...until Week 5, workout 3. All of a sudden you jump from this gradually increasing set of running steps to just busting your butt for 20 minutes straight. It was a weird hurdle I couldn't overcome. I modified the program a couple of times (making some sensible, gradual steps to work my way up to 20 minutes of solid running) but the effort was taking forever and did not seem to be doing me much good. In fact, I was gaining weight. Interspersed with all this running was days of pushups and situps and jumping jacks. Also, not helping.

My clothes were starting to get a little looser but not by much. Of course, my diet didn't change much at all. Garbage in, garbage out. I know that technically the phrase "muscle weighs more than fat" doesn't make any sense (a pound of muscle is a pound, just like a pound of fat) but the real meaning of it is that you end up weighing more while decreasing your mass. Which is great, if you are trying to be a football player. I was building up awesome muscles. Probably even had a six pack. The problem is, it was all buried under inches of quivering fat. Sure, the muscle helps you metabolize better but that only goes so far.

I tried various diets like limiting my caloric intake and eating smaller meals but nothing really seemed to work. I realized that, without a drastic reduction in my caloric intake, I would never see the results of my working out. So, this then, is the final problem. There is a psychological component to dieting that makes it very difficult to stick with one (if you are anything like me). That is the dread of knowing that there is no reprieve from your very tight-laced regimen. You know, day after day after day you will never get to eat the things you love, ever again.

So my attempted solution did not work. It was time, my friends, for the diabolical diet dice...